What you need to know about getting married

Will yours be a church or civil ceremony? For most couples it’s a relatively straightforward decision.
Unless you both have strong religious beliefs or an attachment to a particular church, you’ll probably do what most couples do and opt for a civil ceremony, either at a register office or at a licensed venue where you’re also holding your reception.
Church weddings have halved in the last 20 years and now only about a third of couples choose one.
The decline in religious ceremonies echoes the decline in religious worship – for the majority of today’s couples, the religious significance of getting married in church simply doesn’t mean anything.
For others, it might just seem like too much hassle. To get married in church, either the bride or the groom must live in the parish. Couples who wish to marry in a parish where neither the bride nor the groom lives or worships, must either go on the electoral role, which means living in the parish for a qualifying period, or obtain a special licence.
This makes it difficult for couples who have moved to another part of the country, but still feel enough of a connection to the church in the parish where they grew up to want to get married there.
Recognising this increasing mobility and that the restrictions are doing nothing to halt the decline in church weddings, the Church of England is debating whether it should relax the rules.
It has already given its backing to a “demonstrable connection” option, which would allow people to get married in parishes where they were born, brought up or with which they have some other connection.
But there is concern that picture postcard churches in more popular areas would be inundated with bookings while others would be left out.
The government is due to review civil registration ceremonies soon – in the meantime, here’s what you need to know about getting married.
 
Church
Whatever your reason for having a church wedding, most parish clergy are happy to welcome you and give you all the help and guidance you need.
More than a quarter of all religious marriages in England and Wales are traditional Church of England ceremonies.
To contact your local minister, or the minister at the church where you wish to be married, visit the St Edmundsbury and Ipswich Diocesan web site www.stedmundsbury.anglican.org, where you’ll find all the parishes of Suffolk listed.

Where can you get married?
You are entitled to be married in the parish where either of you lives. If you are an active, worshipping member of another church congregation, it is usually possible to be married there, but you’ll need to check with your parish priest.
If you wish to be married in a church that’s not local to either of you, you will have to go on the electoral roll of that parish. You might be asked to establish a period of residency of between seven and 21 days or to attend church services.
If you can’t satisfy the residence requirement, you can apply for a special licence.
Special licences are given by the Archbishop of Canterbury and are not issued automatically. If you think you need one, talk it over with your parish priest and don’t start any of your wedding preparations before the licence is granted.
It’s unlikely you’ll be granted a special licence if either of you is divorced and has a former spouse still living. You’ll also need to satisfy several criteria. One of you should be able to show a genuine and long-standing connection with the church or chapel in which you wish to marry. This might be that you or your family has regularly worshipped there, or that you have a family home in the parish.
Your families must approve of the marriage and the parish minister where you would be entitled to marry by banns must be consulted.
You also need the consent of the minister in charge of the church where the service is to be held.
Once the application is approved, one of you will have to swear an affidavit to confirm the information given in front of an Anglican minister of your choice.
As soon as you have decided to get married in church, contact your local parish priest to see whether the church is free on your preferred date. He or she will probably want to see you to discuss your plans.

What are the legal requirements?
The legal preliminary to getting married in the Church of England is the reading of the banns. Banns announce your intention to marry and are an opportunity for others to speak up if they believe there’s a reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.
They must be read in the parish where each of you lives, as well as at the church in which you are to be married, for three Sundays during the three months before the wedding.

How much will it cost?
The legal fees for a marriage are £319.50, which covers the publication of the banns, certificate of banns, the marriage service fee and a certificate of marriage.
Check with your parish priest about the cost of extras such as a choir, organist and bell-ringers. Some churches also charge a fee for video recording.

What will the ceremony be like?
Your parish priest will be keen to discuss the ceremony with you. You can have a traditional service or a modern language service.
Some elements are fixed, such as the vows, but you can personalise the ceremony by choosing the readings and prayers, as well as your favourite music.
The minister or the church organist can advise on suitable hymns and songs, as well as music for coming in, going out and during the signing of the register. If you want to set out the words and/or music on a printed service sheet, you need to comply with the copyright laws.
You can involve friends or family in the service, for example by having them read, sing or play a musical instrument. The minister will probably give a brief talk or sermon as well.
Your ceremony should go something like this:
Traditionally, the bride and groom enter the church separately. The groom gets there early with the best man and the bride arrives at the time set for the start of the service, on the arm of her father.
But, the bride can arrive with another relative or friend – not necessarily a man – alone, or the couple can enter the church together.
The minister welcomes the congregation and reads an introduction explaining what Christians believe about marriage. He or she will also ask, as the law requires, if anyone knows any reason why the marriage may not lawfully take place.
You then make your declarations and vows before God, your friends and your families, that you will love, comfort, honour and protect each other and be faithful as long as you both shall live.
You exchange rings and the minister declares you husband and wife.
Prayers, readings and a talk or sermon follow. You then sign the register with two witnesses and leave the church together – a happy, smiling couple.

What if one of you is divorced?
You might still be able to get married in church. Some Church of England ministers are willing to marry divorced people in church, so if that’s what you want, make an appointment to speak to your parish priest before setting a date. The minister will want to talk to you frankly about the past, your hopes for the future and your understanding of marriage. In some cases he or she might need to seek guidance from The Bishops Office, church trustees or other governing body. The first step is to discuss your circumstances with the minister at your chosen church.
If the answer’s ‘no’, there are alternatives, such as a blessing or a Service of Prayer and Dedication after a civil ceremony.

What if you’re not C of E?
Similar rules apply to getting married in other religious buildings, for example a Roman Catholic or Baptist church.
You should be a resident in the local registration district covered by the church, or a regular worshipper at the church.
Some non-conformist churches require a registrar to be present at the marriage, but your minister will advise you if this is necessary.
For a religious marriage other than in the Church of England, civil preliminaries must be completed.

Who you need to tell

• Bank
• Building society
• Child(ren)’s school or childcare provider
• Council tax
• Credit card companies
• Dentists
• Driving licence
• Doctors
• Employers
• Hospital clinics
• Household insurance
• Income tax
• Internet provider
• Life assurance
• Mortgage
• Motoring breakdown policy
• Motoring insurance
• Passport
• Pension plans
• Private health care provider
• Solicitor (generally any will made before marriage or civil partnership will need to be revised)
• The benefits agency
• Utilities (gas, electricity, water, telephone)
• Vehicle registration